GP Payment Plan
Private Eye, the UK's best and only fortnightly satirical magazine, rightly gives both barrels to latest crazy plan for wasting large sums of public money on the NHS.
'Doctors to be paid to do their job' shock
by Our Medical Staff
Dee Mentia and Al. Z. Heimers
In a bold move to drag the NHS into the 21st century, the government last night announced that it is to pay GPs £55 for spotting that any of their patients are suffering from senile dementia.
Doctors' leaders gave a cautious welcome to the proposal, but said they hoped it was only the first step in providing suitable incentives to encourage GPs to report many other common complaints.
Speaking from his Algarve holiday home, Dr Ivor Locum said, "Of course this is a good idea, but I now expect the Department of Health to roll out a full 'Monetisation' programme to ensure that millions more patients can be drawn into the NHS safety net."
"I suggest that we GPs should receive £150 for identifying anyone with a cold, £200 for spotting a case of the 'flu' and £1,000 for correctly diagnosing that the patient is dead."
NEW GP PAYMENT PLAN
How it will work
Doctor: Ah, Mrs Jones, when did you last see a doctor?
Mrs Jones: I can't remember.
Doctor: Excellent! I can now claim my £55. Next patient please.....
